Approaching 50 (part 5)

Journal Entry: Tuesday – December 2, 2014

Hubs has decided to take me to Pensacola, Florida for my birthday. I really wanted to go to New Orleans, but for whatever reason… HE does not want to go. 

We plan to stay in downtown Pensacola the first night and then stay at the Margaritaville Hotel the next two nights! I pray that it’s fun. 


Journal Entry: Wednesday – December 3, 2014 In a MONTH… I have gained 8 pounds! 😦

What is up with this HUGE weight gain??!!! Something is NOT right! 

I woke up this morning with another headache. UGH! And…. my legs have been jerking like CRAZY!! Between this and the menopause stuff… it’s awful! I keep telling myself that I’ve GOT to do something about it! I guess I can try walking instead of riding my bike in the winter. It’s too bad that I don’t have a friend to walk with me in my neighborhood. 

Yesterday, I started trying to figure out what clothes to take on our trip this coming weekend. I got extremely frustrated! I look fat in EVERYTHING!! I just want to cry about it all. 

LORD, please help me to feel better and look better. I feel so old, frumpy and fat! 

I am STILL feeling this way about my clothes! And..… I weigh a LOT more than I did on this day, here!


Journal Entry: Thursday – December 4, 2014 – LOST 2 pounds!

My RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) is INSANE this week! It’s the worst that it’s been in a LONG time! I couldn’t even sit through church last night because of it. Then, it bothered me when I got home. I woke up at 2:30 a.m. and now, I’m awake at 4:30 because I kept waking up! UGH!! I feel like for whatever reason… my body is so TENSE on the inside. I know muscle tension and anxiety does not help my RLS. The good news is that I lost a couple of pounds! 

I went to see my mom yesterday. I told her about my menopause issues. Of course… the first thing she asked me was… “You’re not pregnant, are you?”.  OMG!!! Really, mom?? That woman has worried about me getting pregnant my whole life! GEEEZZZZZ!! 

I feel so stressed and I don’t know why. I could really use a massage … but, I wonder if it would really help. Of course… now, I want to cry. I can’t wait until I can go to the doctor and get my hormone levels checked. I feel like my body is so out of control! 

I like this journal entry because it helps me to remember how awful I was feeling before I saw the doctor(s) in the following couple of months.

One more entry coming up below, of my “Approaching 50” category, then we’ll move on to my life and “The not-so-fun side of 50”.


Journal Entry: Friday – December 5, 2014 – Back up two pounds, again. 😦

I am still not feeling the greatest. I hope I can make it through the holidays and be able to get to the doctor at the first of the year. Of course… after the holidays, while eating and drinking all the wrong foods, isn’t the most ideal time to go. UGH!

The weather in Pensacola is supposed to be perfect! Saturday, the high will be 73! The lows will be in the 50’s and 60’s. I’m going to have to re-pack!

Hubs is going to get off work early, but I have to go to town to pick up our Kenny Chesney tickets. After we both get home this morning, we will leave.

We plan to go to dinner at Outback Steakhouse when we get down there. Then, we will go to the hotel and then we will go to the historic downtown area of Pensacola. There are lots of bars down there that we want to check out. It should be fun!

50-25
Hubs and I in front of our hotel in Pensacola, Florida. (My under-eye bags and neck wrinkles!! UGH!!)

 

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Approaching 50 (Part 4)

menopause1
Photo Credit: Weight Loss for Women with Pre-Menopause

Journal Entry: Wednesday – November 26, 2014 – Gained ANOTHER 2 pounds!!

Well… here I am. My weight is just going UP, UP, UP! I am also terribly constipated. (I know… TMI!) I feel so bloated and miserable. UGH! I ate some prunes, hoping that they might help. If not, I’ll go get a laxative. (Yuck!)

I woke up too early today (of course!) on a day that I didn’t HAVE to! I hate when I do that. I had a bad dream, too. I was working at a preschool, I think. I was so lost and confused! Nothing was like it should be and they fired me because I didn’t know what I was doing! I was SO upset! 

I think I may have dreamed this dream because my life (well… my body!) is SO confused right now! I read recently that menopause is like having PMS x 10!! YIKES! How am I going to deal with this? And now… I have to go on a REAL diet, just to lose this stupid weight that I have gained! Ugh.

The REAL nightmare was all the weight that I had gained! After the holidays, I went to my family doctor and within a few months, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis by an endocrinologist.

Approaching 50 (part 3)

BullDawgs
Photo credit: www.ngngsports.com

* I am working on getting these blog post to appear with the most recent post at the top. Please hang in there with me as I continue to work on that. 


This next journal entry is a good one. I noted that… “my body feels so out of whack”.  (whatever “whack” is!)

cropped-img_04851.jpgJournal Entry – Saturday, November 22, 2014 – Gained another pound!! UGH!! 

Oh my word!! Yesterday was a head-spinning day! I worked 6:30-noon, but actually didn’t leave until 1:00 because I had someone come into join at 11:30. Soooo…. that was good! I worked longer, but it was worth it! 

*I used to work as a fitness coach for “Curves for Women”. If it had paid more, I would have stayed. 

I realized yesterday that because my stupid monthly cycle hasn’t happened yet – (I am a week late! And…. NO! I am not pregnant!!) … that I must be finally entering into menopause! This could be part of the reason why my weight is up. I looked it up while I had the time at work and a lot of the symptoms for “peri-menopause” (leading up to menopause) are symptoms that I have experienced over the past… maybe… 5 years! I am not trying to make excuses for my weight gain, but it could definitely be part of the reason. my body feels so out-of-whack!

Hubs texted me while I was at work and said that there was a job opening up in January in Athens, Georgia! 

*Hubs works as a mechanic for a major shipping company.

*Athens, Georgia is the home of the University of Georgia. The Georgia Bull-“dawgs“, as we pronounce it … and spell it!… down here! And yes… I am a Georgia Bulldawg fan!

He and I have talked about this before. He is SO excited about this and can’t wait to bid on the job! Yes… It IS exciting, but… I am nervous. This would definitely take me away from Ansley, of course. I barely see her as it is. And, Mandy…. we’re not sure where she will be living yet. Soooo…. I am going to pray about this and see if it’s what God wants. Meanwhile… that’s ALL I can think about!!

*”Ansley” (named changed) is my oldest daughter. “Mandy (name also changed) is my youngest. Mandy was applying to be a flight attendant at the time this was written. Ansley was still living close to home.

Hubs asked me where I wanted to go for my birthday. (I thought he was going to surprise me!) I REEEALLLLY want to go to New Orleans! We’ll see if that happens.

Between possibly moving to Athens and a birthday trip, my head (my mind) is STILL spinning!!

*Here it comes! We are getting closer to my big 5-0 birthday!

 

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Approaching 50 (part 1)

I decided to go back in my journals to a couple of months before I turned 50. This is a good starting place for me. As I blog, I may end up going even further back as I try to pinpoint where all my “issues” started.

I am leaving out some parts of my journal entries because they are just too personal.

cropped-img_04851.jpgJournal entry: Sunday – November 2, 2014

I am at my friend, Amy’s house in Forsyth, GA. I came here yesterday for a girl’s weekend. I thought there would be 6 friends, but only ended up being 4. We had fun, but it was too windy to build a fire in the fire pit, like we wanted to do. The wind made it frigid outside!

I have eaten way more than I should have! And I’ve got to get back to a strict eating and exercise plan!

My head hurts this morning. I’m sure it’s dehydration. I’ve got to get back to drinking my water!

Of course, I’m awake way before anyone else. I just made coffee and I’m cuddled up in my bed, here. I’m not sure what to do about leaving to go home. I want to leave as soon as the sun comes up, but… I don’t know if anyone else will be up then. I don’t want to be rude.

You can see here, that I KNEW I needed to eat better, exercise more and drink more water. I have said that a LOT over the past two years and I’m STILL saying it! Why is it SO hard to follow through with these things?? 

cropped-img_04851.jpgJournal entry: Wednesday – November 5, 2014 

My back was hurting really bad yesterday!

I’m going to try not to eat a lot! I want to get healthy. Maybe I will eat some fruit and eggs and maybe sausage.

Yes… I know that sausage isn’t good for me. But, it’s something that I really love! I was at least, buying turkey sausage. *wink

I woke up way too early this morning – 3:15! I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I just got up! My mind was racing!

I keep track of my weight in my journal, as well. I’m not going to share the number… but, on this day, it was at a number that I would LOVE to be back down to!! (even though I was still considered “obese” by the chart at the gym! I don’t THINK so!!

In future posts here… I still won’t name a number… but, I will let you know if I’m UP or DOWN

cropped-img_04851.jpgJournal Entry: Friday – November 7, 2014

 My back hurts this morning! I did not sleep well. Part of it is because Hubs is tossing and turning all night! He flung his arm at me at least 3 times! I also can’t sleep on my right shoulder, so I must turn to face him in the bed. NOT fun! If this keeps up, I will go sleep in the guest room! I’m sure Hubs will say that I’m snoring and keeping HIM awake. But, he wouldn’t hear me if HE was asleep!

I finally believe Hubs about my snoring now. I don’t think it’s bad, but I have noticed that I wake myself up sometimes with “noises”. (He snores sometimes, too!)

cropped-img_04851.jpgJournal Entry: Tuesday – November 11, 2014

 I’ve been waking up with a backache. I hope we don’t need a new mattress! I slept good until I woke up at 3:00am. I did manage to go back to sleep until 4:30.

I rode my bike. I did good. My wrist started hurting on the way back, so I only rode 8.7 miles, not 10. The hills got to me. It was 70 degrees. Perfect weather to ride!

I used to LOVE to ride my bike!! Sadly, I think it’s been a year now since I have ridden it.

I sprained my wrist a few weeks before this was written. Clumsy me tripped over the exercise mats at work! — Believe it or not… I used to work in a gym!

cropped-img_04851.jpgJournal Entry: Wednesday – November 12, 2014

 I slept like crap last night! I went to bed about 9:30 with a lot on my mind, but that wasn’t the problem! 1) I couldn’t get comfortable because my shoulder hurts. I’ve done something to it! I hate it! 2) It was like being in an oven when I went to bed! Hubs had the heater in there cranked up! 3) My legs started jerking as soon as I started finally going to sleep! Then, I kept waking up all night, off and on. UGH!

It’s been an up and down kind of day.

The down – I’ve been depressed & crying most of the day. I miss my girls. I miss them being little. Those days went by too fast. I want to go back to Quinn Ridge when they were little and I spent so much time with them! I cry, just thinking about it.

The up – I biked over 10 miles and did EVERY hill!

The down – I started thinking about pictures and it made me think of the picture “slides” from my childhood that I can’t find. I’ve looked EVERYWHERE!

I was diagnosed with Restless Leg Syndrome about 20 years ago, roughly. It has steadily gotten worse and worse as I age. I am now taking multi medications just to help my legs relax so that I can sleep. I have an appointment with a Neurologist on Wednesday. I am hoping that he can help me with it.