Christmas Depression

For a few years, I was a TOTAL Scrooge when it came to Christmas. I guess a lot of it had to do with being a new “empty nester”. I’m not sure.

Journal Entry: Wednesday – December 17, 2014

Today, I guess I will go see my mom. I also need to figure out what else that I am doing for Christmas presents. And… I have to get a wedding gift and a baby gift for two sweet young friends. I’m ready for the holidays to be over with! BAH-HUMBUG!! 

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I know one thing for sure. I’ll be balling my eyes out at the Christmas Eve service!! This will be the first time that both of my girls will not be there. 

I talked to Ansley and she has invited us out to Ben’s grandmother’s house for Christmas Day. That is… IF Mandy is not going to be here. We aren’t sure what she’s doing for Christmas yet. I know Hubs is NOT going to want to go to Ben’s family’s house on Christmas Day! I’m not sure that I want to either. If we don’t go, and Mandy DOES go to North Carolina … then, Ben and Ansley won’t come to our house until later in the afternoon on Christmas Day. Either way… Christmas will NEVER be the same EVER again! 

Part of me thinks that it would be fun to be part of a big family get-together on Christmas Day. But… they are not MY family. But… I can’t help but wonder if this is God’s way of blessing me with the big family that I always dreamed of. But… then again… they are nice, but they are not MY family! (I know…. too many BUTS in there! Oops)

So far… I DON’T LIKE BEING 50!! My stupid menopausal hormones are all over the place!! 

Christmas is forever changed, starting this year! I guess I just need to pray about it and hold onto Jesus’ hand and let Him guide me through it all. I need to find the JOY that my pastor preached about last Sunday.

I need to… Stop grieving. Quit being selfishThink of others first. And… be happy for them. THIS will bring me happiness. Life IS good.