Restless Legs, Depression and most of all… GOD

Well, I think my thyroid levels might be leveling out because I am sleeping better at night. The downside (I guess) is that I am waking up later than I usually do and it’s throwing me off schedule! I function better with a routine, so I may have to revamp my “schedule”. But…. I suppose it’s a good thing.

I do find myself still getting very tired by mid afternoon. This is when I stop and relax. Unfortunately… when I do that, tho… my legs begin to jerk because of my Restless Leg Syndrome! So, then I have to take my first round of meds to calm my legs down so that I can sit still. The meds make me sleepy, so I usually take a nap. By 7 pm… I’m ready to go again!

I used to not have energy in the evening and would go to bed by 9 pm. Lately, tho… because my energy has been bouncing back, I am finding myself getting some things done and staying up until about 10 pm. That is SOOOOOO different for me!! I have not been able to do that in quite a while.

I have been using that time to get some paperwork done (inventory and research) for my business that I am trying so hard to get off the ground. So, it’s working out pretty good right now.

Journal Entry: Monday – March 2, 2015

Church 2005 - 1
My church 

Hubs and I went to church yesterday. I was afraid that I would be emotional through the whole service, but I did okay …. until communion!  (I used to cry almost every time we went to church! I “think” it was the depression, but I didn’t know it at the time. It was quite embarrassing! Taking communion STILL makes me cry! It’s very emotional for me.)

Mandy was in front of me and as I watched her take communion, I LOST IT!!! (Mandy had gotten the job as a flight attendant and would be leaving soon to go train in Atanta for a month and then be sent to who-knows-where, to live and work)

Lori…  (The wife of my pastor and also a pastor herself!)… was serving us and she saw that I was upset. She said the most beautiful thing to me… God loves you Becky and He loves Mandy even more than you do! He’ll take care of her.” THAT really helped me. (She knew all about Mandy’s new job)

The next few days in my journal … were quite scary, healthwise. I’ll continue writing more tomorrow.

My best friend, in Atlanta just texted me to tell me that her daddy passed away this morning. I burst out in tears when I read the text. I know all too well what it feels like to lose both of your parents. You feel VERY alone and you feel like an orphan. It’s an awful feeling.



Church, Prayers & Levi

I apologize for this post not being on topic with my reason for blogging, but sometimes… God has other things that He needs you to focus on.

Well I did go to church yesterday with Hubs, and I’m glad that I did. God was… of course… waiting for me there. He had a message for me. Not only does He love “me”, but He expects me to love Him and have faith in Him.

One of the hymns that we sang was “Change My Heart, Oh God“. It really spoke to me.

Another one was.. “I Love You, Lord“.

The focus scripture was Deuteronomy 6:5

5 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.

I also got to see my Stephen Minister. I haven’t spoken to her in a while. I asked her if she could meet with me this week. We agreed to meet tomorrow morning.

This morning, I’m asking for prayers for my 6 month old puppy, Levi. He started limping yesterday. We were hoping that he just pulled something (still may have) and it would be better today. Well…. he’s very lethargic this morning and won’t eat. To me… he feels like he has a fever.

I’m so scared and worried. We lost one of our dogs last year due to a similar situation. He had Leukemia. It was so awful. We can’t go through that again.

Please pray for Levi. I’m going to be taking him to the vet as soon as these storms that are coming, pass through.

Levi 1
This is Levi, the Goldendoodle

Trying to Figure It All Out

It’s Sunday and I normally used to go church every Sunday. Here lately… I have no interest. It’s not that I no longer believe in God or that I don’t want to worship him, it’s just…… well… I’m not even sure what it is!

There is no one to blame but myself. I’ve disconnected myself and I’m not sure why.

I’m am literally sitting here trying to figure it out and I can’t. I just don’t want to go.

Maybe it’s because I’ve gained so much weight and I feel so self-conscience. Or… maybe it’s this disease. Somewhere, I read that one of the symptoms is that it causes you to not enjoy things that you used to. (I’ve looked for an article about it, but can’t locate one at this moment.)

Anyway….. It’s almost time for me to start getting ready to go and I just don’t want to.

Journal Entry: Wednesday – January 14, 2015

Monday was a good day at work. I worked out and did Zumba. I can tell that I am so out of shape. I weighed and measured for the first time in forever. It was NOT good! I weighed more than I ever have in my history of working at Curves! My inches were up, too! My blood pressure was high, as well. I have a feeling that it has to do with my thyroid. 

Yesterday, I felt extremely bloated and uncomfortable. I didn’t work out at all. All I wanted to do was go home. I went to Barnes & Noble (book store) after work to look for books on hypothyroid. I ended up buying two. (I LOVE BOOKS!) 

I came home and immediately started reading one of them. But, I started getting sleepy — which is one of the symptoms of hypothyroidism. As soon as I started falling asleep… my stupid leg started jerking!! UGH!! Soooo….. I had to take my leg medicine, which made me even more sleepy! I was a sleepy “zombie” for the rest of the day and evening. I went to bed at 8:00 and slept until 5:00 this morning! I slept really well. I hope that I am caught up enough that I won’t be so tired today. 

I “think” I am starting to feel the effects of this anti-depressant medication that my doctor put me on. I feel “weird”, like I have no emotion. But… it “could” be the depression. I have no idea. At least I’m not bawling my eyes out like I was! 

Today, I go see Katie (my hairdresser) to get my hair done. I want to go see my mom, too. I want to ask her about her history with her thyroid. She had hers removed years ago, but I don’t remember why. 

Alright… I guess I’ll go take a shower and try to get myself motivated to go to church.

I apologize for no pictures with this post. I would like to find a picture of my church and share it with you.

Oh… and I left out “links” in this post, as well. Oops!! I got in a hurry!!