“Call Your Mom.” — I CAN’T!!!

This post is coming straight out of my journal for today —- May 14, 2017

Today is Mother’s Day. It is the first Mother’s Day that I don’t have a mom to wish “Happy Mother’s Day”, to. It’s a weird feeling. For 51 years… that’s what I did on Mother’s Day. I feel sad and empty inside. 

Yesterday, I had an email notification that popped up on my locked phone screen that said, “Call your mom”. I immediately YELLED at my phone and said… “I CAN’T CALL MY MOM!!!”

I opened up my phone to see just WHO would send me this AWFUL email!!! It turned out to be from a site that I don’t even remember signing up to get emails from! Here’s what I saw when I opened up the email. I have not read the article. I can’t. 

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The tears started flowing BIG TIME and I couldn’t stop them. It’s been a while since I cried THAT hard! I miss my mom. I miss our conversations. (The good ones, at least.) I spent my whole life with her being a HUGE part of my life, through the good times and the bad. 

Over the past few years, I have prayed to God for him to “heal” her in whatever way He wanted. Whether it was to heal her body, here on earth… Or, to heal her body by taking her home to be with him. Well.. He finally did. (In HIS time) He took her home to be with him this past September. I always said that I was ready for Him to take her home, but… now that she’s gone… I miss her so much! 

My mom was the one and ONLY person that I KNEW loved me, no matter what! I was her only child and I was also her whole world. 

This Mother’s Day is difficult for another reason, as well. 

Unfortunately… I can’t share this part with you. I had planned to share it, but I can’t. I decided that it is just too personal.

All I can say is… If you can… CALL YOUR MOM TODAY!!!

There WILL come a day when you can’t, and it’s not fun. You WILL regret it someday, if you don’t. Trust me!

Don’t use social media or a text to tell her Happy Mother’s Day. —- CALL HER!!

Or better yet…. GO VISIT HER!!!!!  There’s no need for gifts. All she wants to do is hear your voice, feel your love for her, or get a loving hug from you. (Not a one-armed hug, either!) 

The BEST gift would be to tell her (and… not through social media or a text).

I LOVE YOU, MOM! 

To all of you that are mothers…. “Happy Mother’s Day”!

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Mom

WOW! I am so thankful for all of the “likes” on my blog post from yesterday! Who knew that a list of all the junk going on in my little brain could be so interesting! I could actually add MORE to that list this morning, but I don’t want to keep going down that “bunny trail”. 😉

I am not sure if I mentioned in a previous post or not, that my mom recently passed away, last year on September 25th. —- writing this through tears now… so hang in there with me….   She had a stroke in November of 2005. (The 2nd worst day of my life. The first was when my daddy died.) She lived most of her last 11 years in a nursing home. (I SHOULD have written a blog during all that, but I wasn’t mentally in the right frame of mind for it, for most of those years anyway.)

Anyway…. I needed to explain all of that before I write this next blog post. I didn’t want you to be confused and think… “Okay. I think I missed something. What happened to her mom?”

By the  way —- I have been told that I write like I talk … (which is a LOT!)… so, if I have your mind so confused as you read this, all I can say is… WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!


Journal Entry: Thursday – January 29, 2015.

I woke up with another headache this morning. I think it’s sinus pressure, but I had a bad dream just before I woke up. It could be because of that. 

I dreamed that I was with my mom in an apartment and I had come home to find her yelling at me because I had left the back door open and we had been robbed! (Wow. This is weird! I haven’t read this blog post since I write it over two years ago and I can still see this dream, fresh in my mind! Dreams totally fascinate me. They always have!) They had taken my stash of cash that I had hidden, (Wish I had that stash now! I could use it.) my iPod and my big camera. They did not take my laptop or my iPad. My mom and I got into a HUGE argument(This was not unusual. Through my teen years, my mom and I didn’t get along too well.) 

I wonder if my mom was in my dream because she called me last night about 8:30, asking me about an upaid car repair bill that she said she never paid. I told her not to worry because that had been 10 years ago! I forgot to mention that my mom’s mind was “sharp as a tack” (as she would say), up until the day before she died. 

More tears flowing…. hang in there with me.

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Not the best picture… but, this is my mom. This “selfie” was taken when Mandy & I went to go see her on Christmas Eve, 2014.

I have no earthly idea what brought that to her mind! It was rather odd. I couldn’t finish my conversation with her because the aides were there in her room, waiting to put her to bed. I should go over there today, but I don’t want to. (Please don’t judge me for that.)

This morning, I have to be at the endocrinologist’s office at 8:00 to have blood work and the ultrasound done on my thyroid.  I can’t eat anything. I’m trying to drink my coffee black, but… YUCK!!! I wish I had tomorrow off. I need a day at home. 

Approaching 50 (part 5)

Journal Entry: Tuesday – December 2, 2014

Hubs has decided to take me to Pensacola, Florida for my birthday. I really wanted to go to New Orleans, but for whatever reason… HE does not want to go. 

We plan to stay in downtown Pensacola the first night and then stay at the Margaritaville Hotel the next two nights! I pray that it’s fun. 


Journal Entry: Wednesday – December 3, 2014 In a MONTH… I have gained 8 pounds! 😦

What is up with this HUGE weight gain??!!! Something is NOT right! 

I woke up this morning with another headache. UGH! And…. my legs have been jerking like CRAZY!! Between this and the menopause stuff… it’s awful! I keep telling myself that I’ve GOT to do something about it! I guess I can try walking instead of riding my bike in the winter. It’s too bad that I don’t have a friend to walk with me in my neighborhood. 

Yesterday, I started trying to figure out what clothes to take on our trip this coming weekend. I got extremely frustrated! I look fat in EVERYTHING!! I just want to cry about it all. 

LORD, please help me to feel better and look better. I feel so old, frumpy and fat! 

I am STILL feeling this way about my clothes! And..… I weigh a LOT more than I did on this day, here!


Journal Entry: Thursday – December 4, 2014 – LOST 2 pounds!

My RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) is INSANE this week! It’s the worst that it’s been in a LONG time! I couldn’t even sit through church last night because of it. Then, it bothered me when I got home. I woke up at 2:30 a.m. and now, I’m awake at 4:30 because I kept waking up! UGH!! I feel like for whatever reason… my body is so TENSE on the inside. I know muscle tension and anxiety does not help my RLS. The good news is that I lost a couple of pounds! 

I went to see my mom yesterday. I told her about my menopause issues. Of course… the first thing she asked me was… “You’re not pregnant, are you?”.  OMG!!! Really, mom?? That woman has worried about me getting pregnant my whole life! GEEEZZZZZ!! 

I feel so stressed and I don’t know why. I could really use a massage … but, I wonder if it would really help. Of course… now, I want to cry. I can’t wait until I can go to the doctor and get my hormone levels checked. I feel like my body is so out of control! 

I like this journal entry because it helps me to remember how awful I was feeling before I saw the doctor(s) in the following couple of months.

One more entry coming up below, of my “Approaching 50” category, then we’ll move on to my life and “The not-so-fun side of 50”.


Journal Entry: Friday – December 5, 2014 – Back up two pounds, again. 😦

I am still not feeling the greatest. I hope I can make it through the holidays and be able to get to the doctor at the first of the year. Of course… after the holidays, while eating and drinking all the wrong foods, isn’t the most ideal time to go. UGH!

The weather in Pensacola is supposed to be perfect! Saturday, the high will be 73! The lows will be in the 50’s and 60’s. I’m going to have to re-pack!

Hubs is going to get off work early, but I have to go to town to pick up our Kenny Chesney tickets. After we both get home this morning, we will leave.

We plan to go to dinner at Outback Steakhouse when we get down there. Then, we will go to the hotel and then we will go to the historic downtown area of Pensacola. There are lots of bars down there that we want to check out. It should be fun!

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Hubs and I in front of our hotel in Pensacola, Florida. (My under-eye bags and neck wrinkles!! UGH!!)