Mother’s Day Tears and Fears

I had a pretty good Mother’s Day. I cried a lot a LOT, but I knew I would. I was not crying over just my mom not being here, but other family issues, as well. All I can do is pray that the situation gets better and forgiveness takes over. I know all to well how resentment and bitterness can ruin a relationship. It’s better to forgive and move on. Put the past behind and move forward.

Hubs and I took Levi down to the river walk near us since it was a beautiful morning. He doesn’t walk too well on a leash, but he’s still young. I took a lot of pics. I’ll share a few.

It was a perfect morning for a walk!

Back to the reason for this blog….

Journal Entry: Tuesday – February 3, 2015

Work was okay, yesterday. I used up all of my energy there, though. I was exhausted when I got home! I tried to take a nap without taking my meds (Medications for Restless Legs) but couldn’t, so I took my meds and then CRASHED! I was out for the rest of the afternoon. (When I worked at the gym, I only worked in the morning hours. So… I was probably trying to take a nap around 1 or 2:00 in the afternoon.)

Journal Entry: Friday – February 6, 2015

I can’t wait to get my results back from the Endocrinologist. I wish it were TODAY! I have to wait one more week! UGH. My finger tips feel like they are “burning”. It’s really bothering me. (I think I had felt this sensation before, when I went to my primary care doctor. It was a weird feeling. I don’t think I’ve had it happen since this time.)

Journal Entry: Saturday – February 7, 2015

I feel like CRAP, today! I have terrible stomach cramps. I’m not sure whats going on. I keep crying because I’m scared. I am so anxious to find out my results, but I am also SO SCARED! I wish my friend Dana was here. I need a friend. I am sitting here BAWLING!! (Dana – name changed – is my long-time friend that lives outside of Atlanta, where we used to live. I don’t see her as often as I “should”. I really need to work on that!)

The good news is that my doctor’s appointment got moved up to Tuesday at 3:00. So at least I don’t have to wait until Friday, now. 

I feel VERY OVERWHELMED!! My mind is going in at least 10 different directions! (There was a LOT going on in my life at that time. I was terribly stressed, and really didn’t even know it.)

Lord, please give me peace and calmness. 


Feeling Sick and Closing Out December

I’m not writing much today. My mind is on so many other things and I can’t focus on my writing. I’m working on a way to make money from home. I just don’t feel like I can handle a job working somewhere else or FOR anyone else. I never know how I’m going to feel. For instance… I felt GREAT Saturday! Yesterday, I was just tired. And today… I feel like I could be sick. NOT a fun feeling! I didn’t sleep well last night, either. I’m not sure what’s going on.

Back to my journal — As the year ended… I was feeling more and more miserable and couldn’t wait to go see my doctor at the beginning of the year. I knew something just wasn’t right.

Journal Entry: Saturday – December 27, 2014

I don’t even want to set foot on the scales! But… I have to get back to eating right and exercising. It’s a MUST DO! My #1 priority after the new year is to lose weight. I’ve gotta’ keep that focus. 

Journal Entry: Monday – December 29, 2014

Yesterday, Hubs and I were lazy and SO TIRED! (We had a Christmas / New Years Party the night before.) Our party was a lot of fun! But… I looked at the pictures of myself that one of my friends posted on Facebook …. and OH MY! I looked SO BAD!! It was so depressing. I’ve GOT to eat better and get my energy level back! I’ve got to get serious again.

At work, we are gearing up for the “Biggest Loser Contest” that is coming up in mid January. It last for 3 months. I hope I can do well with it. Last year, I lost 9 pounds during it. 

I did work out today and I did some Zumba. One lady told me that I didn’t look happy, today. I wonder if she could see how stressed and upset I am about my weight. I’ve gotta’ get back to it!!!